Not Bloody Likely!
by Amberzlove
Summary: How do you soothe the savage Raphael? Carefully! FINISHED!
1. Not Bloody Likely!

Sorry everybody. I fumbled this one due to a HUGE family emergency. So rather than break it up in pieces, here it is all at once. Enjoy!

I do not own the TMNT.

Not Bloody Likely!

By:

Amberzlove

Do you know how many situations that I have dreamed of that would lead to consequences that I never wanted to happen or even think about? Each episode can flash through my head at rapid pace and I have worked out solutions in my head to deal with each situation. You probably think that the turtle that is talking to you now is Leonardo or maybe even Donatello, but it's actually just me Mikey. I know. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Mikey? Mikey actually thinks about what can happen?" Well…I do. So there!

Some very clumsy Foot members had ambushed us tonight on patrol. Unfortunately, one had gotten a good, but not lethal shot in. I never expected this to happen and had no plans worked up in my mind to handle this. Now what do we do? It was his words that spelled our doom.

"He'll have to be kept awake for the next twenty-four hours."

"What!" Leo exclaimed.

"He has a concussion my son," Splinter calmly explained, "There is the chance that he could fall into a coma and never wake up again. He will have to be kept awake for the next twenty-four hours."

"Sensei's right," Donnie said, "The only bad thing is that Raphael has not had any sleep since you and he argued last night and he went out brooding. He's going to be…_interesting_ to deal with. We'll have to take shifts."

"Bummer," I grumbled miserably, "A not-tired-Raph is hard enough to deal with let alone a tired-hurt-in-pain-Raph."

"We will _not_ take shifts," Leo snapped, "The only way to keep Raphael awake is to work together as a team. He needs us right now. Don't let him push you away."

"Right!" Donnie and I chorused together as we rolled our eyes behind Leo's back as he turned to Sensei.

"We've got this covered Sensei," Leo said bowing respectfully to Splinter, "You can go back to sleep now."

"You will come get me if there is any unusual change in Raph's behavior or awareness?"

"Right away Sensei," Leo agreed bowing again as Donnie and I once again rolled our eyes at one another.

"Very well," Splinter said as he discreetly winked at Donnie and I, "Do not upset your brother. He needs to remain calm until he heals. Goodnight my sons."

"Good night Sensei," we dutifully chorused together.

"Well lets go face the Reaper," I said.

"Mikey!" Leo snapped, "Behave!"

"Yes sir!" I said snapping off a quick salute, "I mean lets go face Raphael and give him the good news, sir!"

"Cut it out," Leo said angrily.

"Okay Leo," I said rolling my eyes for the third time tonight, "I was just kidding around."

"Lighten up," Donnie said to Leo, "We just have to keep Raph awake for twenty-four hours. That shouldn't be too difficult. Right?"

I've got to tell you, I wasn't so sure how "not too difficult" this was going to be. After explaining the news to Raph and seeing his reaction, I have a feeling that this is going to be more "difficult" than any of us imagined.

"What the hell do ya mean that I've got ta stay awake! I'm tired dammit!" Raph yelled from his bed.

"Calm down Raph," Donnie said, "We just have to make sure that your head injury is not serious enough to put you in a coma. We can do whatever you want to do tonight."

"Yeah," I said chiming in, "We can play games. Would you like to play Don't Wake Daddy?

"Not bloody likely!" Raph growled at me.

Yep. This was going to be fun. Not!

_These are the voyages of the turtle-ship Mikey. His 24-hour mission to keep Raphael from sleeping._

_Captain's logs:_

_We are at the beginning of the 24-hour period. Pray._

Anywho, Donnie was able to convince Raph to play some chess with him. It may surprise you to know that Raphael actually _does_ have the patience to play a mean game of chess. He can wipe the floor with Leo and even Donnie has a hard time beating him. I stay away from the whole chess business. Boring! Leo was avidly watching the match as I read some of my comic books.

"Checkmate!" Raph crowed as he took another of Donnie's pawns.

"I will in the future effectuate secure victory by no longer underestimating the acute intellect of your chess skills," Donnie sighed as he countered Raph's move.

"Wha?" I grunted tuning back into the bore-fest.

"He said that he will gain victory in the future by no longer underestimating Raph's skills at chess," Leo supplied for me.

"What he means is that he will learn true skills from a master like me Mikester," Raph said and then laughed when he got Donnie's queen.

"My turn," Leo said as he reset the board for his match against Raph.

I found myself rolling my eyes again. I have such a boring family. Three hours later, I found myself getting very sleepy and was forced to stifle several yawns. Just as I found myself nodding off a sharp pain between my eyes woke me up. I was a little vexed to discover that the pain was Raph's queen that he nailed me with between the eyes.

"Oh no you don't Mikey!" Raph chirped at me way too happily, "If I gotta stay awake then so do you."

_Captain's logs:_

_There are 20 hours left to go in the 24-hour period. I am seriously thinking of shoving a certain chess piece up a certain turtle's unmentionable._

Raph finally got bored with chess and started to show his crankier side. Leo offered to help him into our living room so that he could play some video games. Now that's more like it!

"Dude! I so challenge you to some Mortal Kombat," I said happily, "Rayden and I will wipe you all over the floor."

"You are so on," Raph said struggling to sit up since Donnie was holding him down.

"Oh no you don't," Donnie said as Raph growled at him, "You need to let Leo and I help you stand slowly. You have a concussion and if you stand quickly you will get dizzy and nauseous."

"Whatever," Raph growled as he allowed Leo and Donnie to help him, "You guys are bein' big babies. I am just…um…I've got ta go!"

With that Raph tore himself out of our brothers' grip and streaked into the bathroom. From the sounds of it, Raph was emptying his belly from the bottom of his toes. Yeppers! This is nice.

"Should I go get Splinter?" Leo asked worriedly as Raphael's praise-to-the-gods could be heard through the bathroom door.

"No Leo," Donnie said, "This is quite common with a concussion. Maybe now Raph will listen more and not try to move so fast."

"Like _that_ will ever happen," I snorted.

"Shut it Mikey," Leo snapped, "Your not helping."

Like I had said before. This was going to be a bummer.

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 19 ½ hours left to the 24-hour period. Raph's hurl-a-thon is finished for the moment and he and I are playing video games. Things are looking up!_

"Mikey you are so cheating!" Raph cursed and slapped me in the arm.

_Captain's logs:_

_Maybe not! Can I kill him yet?_

Raph and I were able to play several rounds of video games before the others wanted a turn. We played every game we owned and then played the new games that Casey and April had brought over for us. Before we knew it several hours had passed and Raphael was showing clear signs of cranky sleepiness.

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 16 hours left to the 24-hour period. A certain turtle is getting sleepy and keeps trying to choke another very intelligent turtle trying to keep him awake so he doesn't slip into a coma. _

_I'm thinking that I would prefer him in a coma. No! Bad Mikey! I didn't mean that._

"**Gluhkdhjfhjdks**!"

"What was that Donnie?" Raph asked evilly.

"He said to let go of his neck!" Leo said as he forced Raph to let go of Donnie.

"Well tell him to stop poking me!" Raph snapped as he chucked a pillow in their direction.

"Well if you would stop trying to fall asleep Donnie wouldn't have to keep poking you," I snapped back.

_Captain's logs:_

_**Gluhkdhjfhjdks**!_

I was able to forgive Raph for the whole choking incident only because of what a nice person I am. We were able to keep Raphael entertained with a new video that I had stashed away for a special occasion. Raph had been dying to see the new extended version of _Return of the King_. He was however, acting very oddly. Almost like a child; yelling at the screen and throwing popcorn at the bad guys. This is so unfair! That's my job!

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 12 hours left to the 24-hour period. I am running on fumes and don't know how much more of this I can take. _

Raph was starting to show some signs of being concussed. He was way too happy and giggly which was so not a Raph thing to be.

"Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?" I groaned for the 100th time.

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"Why are you crying it's a funny joke!" giggled Raph.

"Yes it is," I said grumpily, "It's a hoot."

"You don't like my jokes?" Raph said with tears in his eyes.

"No! He loves your jokes. Don't you Mikey?" Leo said quickly with a hint of threat in my direction.

"Yes I do," I said nervously.

"Good!" chirped Raphael, "Then why did the turtle cross the road?"

"I don't know," I sighed.

"To get to the shell-station! Get it! The shell-station!" Raph giggled.

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 11 hours left to the 24-hour period. Please shoot me._

"DDDDDOOOOONNNNNIIIIEEEE! My head hurts!" Raph whined for the millionth time.

"I'll get you some Tylenol. That will help your headache," Donnie said going to retrieve the said item.

"Okay," Raph chirped.

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 10 hours left to the 24-hour period. Shoot me a second time to make sure that I am dead._

"I know a song that is really annoying…really annoying…really annoying. I know a song that it really annoying…and it goes like this! I know a song that is really annoying…really annoying…really annoying. I know a song that it really annoying…and it goes like this!"

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 9 hours left to the 24-hour period. I know a turtle that is going to get it…going to get it…going to get it. I know a turtle that is going to get it…and he's really going to hurt!_

Okay now things are getting a little serious. Raph had seemed to come to the end of his sugar rush and was having extreme difficulties keep himself awake. Donnie and Leo were slowly walking him around the lair.

"Let go of me," Raph whined, "I want ta lay down now."

"No Raph. You have to stay awake," Donnie said, "You don't want to fall asleep and never wake up do you?"

"I don't care," Raph snapped and then yawned.

"I'll let Mikey serenade you," Leo threatened.

"I'm up! I'm awake!" Raph said quickly snapping to attention.

"Hey!" I said very offended.

_Captain's logs:_

_There are now 7 hours left to the 24-hour period. What will happen to me if I kill them all? Please send reinforcements!_

"Let's make some hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows," I offered.

"What?" my brothers chorused in unison.

"Really sweet hot chocolate with lots of marshmallows to give us a sugar rush," I persisted.

"That sounds nice," Donnie said sleepily, "Doesn't it Raph?"

Raphael only grunted as he was led to the kitchen where I quickly retrieved all of the supplies necessary to make the cocoa.

"Here Raph," I said handing him the bag of marshmallows, "You stuff the mugs."

"Okay," he said taking the bag and began putting the marshmallows in the mugs.

Leo and Donnie grabbed a mug and brought them to me to fill. When the two mugs were filled we turned to see Raph sleeping on the bag of marshmallows.

"Raphael! Wake up!" Leo said shaking our brother by the shoulder.

"Huh? What?" Raph slurred, "Leo! I was sleeping."

"You are not supposed to fall asleep," Leo said gently.

"Then why did you give me all these little fluffy pillows?" Raph asked groggily as he pointed to the bag of marshmallows.

_Captain's logs:_

_We made it successful through the 24-hour period by filling Raph so full of cocoa and marshmallows he was bouncing off the walls. Thank god we can get some sleep now!_

"I'm goin' ta kill all of you!" Raph howled, "You gave me so much sugar I can't get ta sleep now!

_Captain's logs:_

_You think that's going to keep me from getting some sleep?_

_Not bloody likely!_

_ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ_

The end!

Review please.


	2. Chapter 2

I know that we are not supposed to use a chapter for notes, but the stupid system wouldn't list this as an update for some reason. So here is a mini tale.

Epilogue:

Raph eventually fell asleep and didn't kill any of his brothers because he knew that they were just trying to care

The end.


End file.
